Blog 87: What helped me through the grieving process

By Vernon M. Herron

     Approaching and during my retirement years, I have lost several family members in death, which is defined as a separation and is a certainty for all. A family member who was aware that death was approaching asked, “Am I going to die?” Whereupon the nurse answered, “We all are going to die.”  

     Physical death is a separation of life from the body. It is a separation from the physical existence as we know it today; from loved ones, environment and possessions. Spiritual death is separation from God which is eternal. By grief, I mean a deep distress caused by bereavement. 

     Yes, recently I have lost  in death six family members which left me in grief: an aunt, a mother, a sister-in-law, a sister, and two brothers. I often wake up in the mornings thinking about their famous sayings, their laughter and their contributions to others. 

     I remember that after each death, I  would say to myself and to others, “Give me three months and I’ll get over it.” 

     That did not happen, so I changed the time span. Then I said, “Give me three years and I’ll get over it.” Well, that helped some, but let me tell you of three good things which helped me through the trenches – (the grieving process.)

One – My Faith

     Death brought my faith in an omniscient God, my theological views, the word of God (Holy Scriptures) into a focus which helped in the understanding of a “provided eternal life,” and a church ministry called “H.E.A.L.” God is the giver of life who determines our end. Our final destiny is dependent upon our relationship with Christ as Lord and Master and from whom we receive an Everlasting life, then at death, Eternal life. The scripture teaches much about life and death:

     Gen. 3:19 speaks of our origin and destiny.

     John 3:15 and Romans 6:23 speak of our source of everlasting and eternal life.

     I Corinthians 15 speaks of our resurrection and immortality.

     According to the Rev. Michelle Jones, “HEAL is a fitting acronym for Helping Others with the Acceptance of Loss through Spiritual Affirmation. … It is a grief and loss ministry, people sharing a “living” death as well as the loss of a loved one. The ministry facilitates “becoming whole” through God’s healing.” 

 

Two – Time

     Time is a great healing source. Initially, I thought a three-month period was a sufficient time to heal, not knowing, that was naivete. Many years won’t do the job either, if grief is not correctly challenged and channeled. 

     Only time, which differs in duration, heals well. It gives space for adjustment; it slowly fades the freshness of memory, association and earthly relationships; it provides the opportunity to increase one’s dependence on God and His healing power. I can handle a death experience three years after the fact better than I could have three months after. Yes, time is a great healer.  

Three – A Family Joke

     The third thing which helped me through the grieving process was a family joke. It was originally told as “a Moms  Mabley” joke. 

     At one time, my brother, sister and I walked together with the aid of canes. I would often say, “I generally hang out with young people. If you ever see me hanging out with older folks with canes, they are my relatives.” That would tickle me but not them! 

     Even though they are now “asleep” in Jesus, that joke helped me through the grieving process.