Blog 168: Blogs Which Brought Laughter: Some Were Humorous

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By Vernon M. Herron

Blog writing is serious business. It can be thought-provoking, meditative and sometimes humorous. Reviewing the 167 blogs, so far written, I found six of them made me chuckle. Let me note brief excerpts from the six to see which tickle    your fantasy.

From blog 59- “My Adopted Family”

Related to identifying oneself with people of note, I remember enrolling at Shaw University as a freshman in 1947. I met a sophomore whose name was “Gibbs.”

After looking me over, the following dialogue ensued.

            Gibbs: “Who are you?”

            Herron: “Don’t you know who I am? Have you heard of Roland Hayes?”

            Gibbs: “Yes”

            Herron: “Why, that’s my cousin!”

            Gibbs:  “Wow!”

            Herron: “Do you know of Adam Clayton Powell, Jr.?”

            Gibbs: “Yes!”

            Herron: “Why, he’s my uncle!”

            Gibbs:  “Wow!”

            Herron: “Have you heard of Joe Lewis?”

            Gibbs:  “Wait a minute, you freshman. You are about to lie!”

So I had, because of my desire to be associated with people of note and who were making a significant difference in life.

Blog 66 speaks of our mothers who had never attended a football game.   

The other factor is that our mothers visited us at the time of our school’s Annual     Homecoming, when the football team would be contending for the CIAA National Championship. It was Ruth’s and my responsibility to give both mothers a “crash course” for a typical football game. Cramming was required at this time!

We explained the essentials of football in the follow manner:

            A football field.

            Goal-post zones.

            Yardage-footage.

            Penalty.

             Teams-dressed alike-running in opposite directions, like they are trying to

                     avoid “stepping in something.”

            Making a “touch-down” for points and a goal.

            Extra points.

            A victory and a Winner.

Yet, when the two mothers showed visible signs of incomprehension of this mass material and the inability to “cram,” we quickly thought of and suggested an easier way. Our proposal was, “just stand up and yell, ‘hoo-ray’ and ‘right-on’, when we do.” They did! They enjoyed the game, especially being on the winning side.

Leaving the stadium, we overheard conversation between the two mothers: they said, “the football game was a thriller and a Diller.” “It was the first and only one I have attended.” “We did not know the game at first, but we learned fast.” “God is good to allow us to be here this day to see our children start their college life with a ‘bang.’” “It is our hope that they will succeed.”

Blog 101 speaks about an experience with a psychiatric patient.

The latter was near the Dix campus one day and was “chased” by a patient all the way through town and onto the Shaw campus. The faster the Shaw student ran, the harder the Dix patient pursued. By the time the student reached the Shaw campus, stopping at the first bench, he was out of breath and wondered, what’s would happen next? As the patient approached the student, he simply touched the erudite scholar on the shoulder and said “tap, I got you” and returned to Dix campus.

Blog 124 is about a pace maker.

Today, how blessed we are to have “pace makers” and other prostrate limbs to aid the body. This point is well illustrated in the following story.

On the first night of his wedding, a new husband watched his new bride undress for bed. She removed her head piece and laid it aside, showing her bald head. Then, she removed her teeth and placed them in a glass of water. Later, she removed her right arm and laid it aside, followed by the removal of her left leg. Lastly, she removed one breast and one hip pad.

The new husband who could take no more, rose up and said “woman, get yourself ‘together’ and get out of here!”

Thank God for the Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator, the Pace Maker.

Blog 132 is about Contending for Mental Alertness.

Recently, I said to my primary health care doctor, “I take 14 medications a day. Each one has a description on “side effects.” In fact, of one medication, the following warning was given, “… is a very potent medication which may cause serious water loss, thirst or confusion.” Now, I really wonder if the consumed medication is affecting my mental alertness. I continued this revelation with my doctor. “I cannot recall as I once did. I cannot remember my date of birth, address, social security number, phone number or my wife’s first name!” The doctor said, “Oh yea? How long have you had that condition?” “What  condition?,” I asked.   My good friend and care giver continued his proposition, “let me ask of you a profound question, which will be a good indicator of your alertness.” I agreed to the strategy, where upon the physician stated the following premise, then, asked his question.

“You are the bus driver with 15 passengers headed for Asheville, NC. The bus stopped along the way when three persons got off. It later stopped again and two persons got on. How old is the bus driver?” For some reason, I could not remember that I was the bus driver, thus my age! Well, that got me! Never again would I be caught!

The next Sunday, the first lady of our church said to me, “I have six questions for the ‘retired theologian.’” This time, I was not to be out done. “Say on madam,” I demanded, “ask your six questions.”

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the O.T.?

A. Let me see. It was Sampson, who brought the house down.

Q. That’s good! Now try this one. What car was used by the disciples?

A.  Honda, because the disciples were on one accord.

Q. My! You are alert. Number three, Who was the greatest female financier in   

     O.T.?

A.  Pharaoh’s  daughter, who went to the Bank of the Nile and pulled a little

      profit/prophet.

Q. Why did the people not play cards on the ark?

A.  Noah was standing on the deck.

Q. You are good!, now tell me, who did not have parents in O.T.?

A. Joshua, son of nun.

Q,  Did you know that, it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?

A.  Yup, it is in the Bible. It says He-brews.

“My you have answered all six questions correctly. 100 for you!” said the first lady.

I discussed all six questions and answers with my care giver who said, “you are a long way from Alzheimer or dementia. Your recall memory is good. What I do find is the problem of age, which causes us all to forget at time.” “Whoa! that is good news to hear,” I said.

Now, I reread the warning and restriction given on the potent medication bottle. It said, “take for 14 days only.” I have discontinued taking that medication. Now, my recall is instant and better. I remember well that my date of birth is 5-6-40; my address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.; the last four digits of my social security is 7607; my phone number is 704-333-4444; my wife’s first name is Michelle. So you see, I am doing o.k. What about you? Do you remember everything which I have told you?

Blog 143 deals with the right “inquiry” but with the wrong person.

Recently, one day in the a.m., I emailed a message to an addressee listed in the file as  “Dee Walker”. I thought that I was speaking to my niece, Dee Bloomfield. (It’s o.k. to call names.) The message said, “I thought that I had your telephone number but I can’t find it. At one time, you told me that your husband was ill and I want to hear about his status.”

That same day, in the p.m., I received the following reply from Dee Walker. She asked, “What husband? You found me a husband?! Thank the Lord! You must be referring to another Dee. (And I was) But if you find someone looking for a wife, tell him to get in touch with me.” Ha-ha, Ha-ha, Ha-ha.

Did you laugh?