Blog 132: Contending for mental alertness

By Vernon M. Herron

     This blog is slightly embellished for the purpose of illustration and good humor. 
     Recently, I said to my primary health care doctor, “I take 14 medications a day. Each one has a description on ‘side effects.’ In fact, of one medication, the following warning was given, “… is a very potent medication which may cause serious water loss, thirst or confusion.” 
     Now, I really wonder if the consumed medication is affecting my mental alertness. I continued this revelation with my doctor: 
     “I cannot recall as I once did. I cannot remember my date of birth, address, social security number, phone number or my wife’s first name!” 
     The doctor said, “Oh yea? How long have you had that condition?” “What  condition?,” I asked.
     My good friend and care giver continued his proposition, “Let me ask of you a profound question, which will be a good indicator of your alertness.” I agreed to the strategy, whereupon the physician stated the following premise, then, asked his question.
     “You are the bus driver with 15 passengers headed for Asheville, NC. The bus stopped along the way when three persons got off. It later stopped again and two persons got on. How old is the bus driver?” 
     For some reason, I could not remember that I was the bus driver, thus my age! Well, that got me! Never again would I be caught!
     The next Sunday, the first lady of our church said to me, “I have six questions for the ‘retired theologian.’” This time, I was not to be outdone. “Say on, madam,” I demanded, “ask your six questions.”

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the O.T.?
A. Let me see. It was Sampson, who brought the house down.

Q. That’s good! Now try this one. What car was used by the disciples?
A.  Honda, because the disciples were on one accord.

Q. My! You are alert. Number three: Who was the greatest female financier in O.T.?
A.  Pharaoh’s daughter, who went to the Bank of the Nile and pulled a little profit/prophet.

Q. Why did the people not play cards on the ark?
A.  Noah was standing on the deck.

Q. You are good! Now tell me, who did not have parents in O.T.?
A. Joshua, son of nun.

Q,  Did you know that it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
A.  Yup, it is in the Bible. It says He-brews.

     “My, you have answered all six questions correctly. 100 for you!” said the first lady.
     I discussed all six questions and answers with my care giver who said, “You are a long way from Alzheimer or dementia. Your recall memory is good. What I do find is the problem of age, which causes us all to forget at times.” “Whoa! that is good news to hear,” I said.
     Now, I reread the warning and restriction given on the potent medication bottle. It said, “Take for 14 days only.” I have discontinued taking that medication. Now, my recall is instant and better. 
     I remember well that my date of birth is 5-6-40; my address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; the last four digits of my social security are 7607; my phone number is 704-333-4444; my wife’s first name is Michelle. So you see, I am doing OK. What about you? Do you remember everything that I have told you?
     Have a good day!